Self Help
Ideas, exercises and programmes to help, whenever you need it.
What is a flashback?
A flashback is when memories of a past trauma feel as if they are taking place in the current moment. That means it’s possible to feel like the experience of sexual violence is happening all over again. During a flashback it can be difficult to connect with reality. It may even feel like the perpetrator is physically present.
Flashbacks may seem random at first. They can be triggered by fairly ordinary experiences connected with the senses, like the smell of someone, a particular tone of voice. It’s a normal response to trauma, and there are steps you can take to help manage the stress of a flashback.
What helps during a flashback?
If you realize that you are in the middle of a flashback, try the following if you are able:
- Tell yourself that you are having a flashback.Remind yourself that the actual event is over and that you survived, this a memory, this is not happening now.
- Put your feet firmly on the floor, remind yourself of the here and now, where you are.
- Take slow, deep breaths, four counts in and six counts out. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, try and make your exhale longer than your inhale. When we panic, our body begins to take short, shallow breaths, and the decrease in oxygen can heighten your anxiety. Deep breathing is important because it increases the oxygen in your system and helps you move out of your anxious state faster.
- Return to the present by using your five senses, we call this technique a ‘grounding’ technique and this one specifically 5,4,3,2,1 grounding.
- 1. Say out loud 5 things you can see around you.
- 2. Say out loud 4 things you can feel.
- 3. Say out loud 3 things you can hear.
- 4. Say out loud 2 things you can smell.
- 5. Say out loud 1 thing you can taste.
- Recognize what would make you feel safer. Wrap yourself in a blanket, or go into a room by yourself and close the door. Do whatever it takes for you to feel secure. Don’t push yourself to do things after a flashback, be kind to yourself, look after yourself
- Get support, let your friends or family know what’s happened and let them help if they can.
- Write it down. If you feel able to write down the flashback and what happened directly beforehand, this will help you identify the ‘trigger’ and will help gain understanding of where the memory came from.
- Be aware of the warning signs. Flashbacks sometimes feel as though they come out of nowhere, but there are often early physical or emotional warning signs. These signs could include a change in mood, feeling pressure in your chest, or suddenly sweating. Becoming aware of the early signs of flashbacks may help you manage or prevent them.
What is a panic attack?
Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear, they may include palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, a churning in your tummy, chest pain, numbness, ringing in your ears, a dry mouth or a feeling that something bad is about to happen.
Most panic attacks last between 5 and 20 minutes. Some have been reported to last up to an hour. Some people have attacks once or twice a month, while others have them several times a week. Although panic attacks are frightening, they are not dangerous. They can feel hugely overwhelming and they can either appear unexpectedly or be triggered by something.
What helps during a panic attack?
- Try not to fight it, stay where you are if possible
- Remind yourself that the attack will pass.
- Focus on your breathing, try and concentrate on breathing slowly in and out, if possible breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth and try and make the exhale longer. Try breathing in for 5 seconds and out for 7.
- Stamp on the spot – some people find this helps control their breathing.
- Focus on positive, peaceful and relaxing images
- Focus on your senses, we call this technique a ‘grounding’ technique and this one specifically 5,4,3,2,1 grounding.
- 1. Say out loud 5 things you can see around you.
- 2. Say out loud 4 things you can feel.
- 3. Say out loud 3 things you can hear.
- 4. Say out loud 2 things you can smell.
- 5. Say out loud 1 thing you can taste.
- Remember and tell yourself, panic attacks are not life threatening, this will pass.
- After a panic attack it’s important to pay attention to what your body needs, for example you might need to rest somewhere quietly, eat or drink something or perhaps snuggle up in a warm blanket.
- Get support, let your friends or family know what’s happened and let them help if they can.
Stress from a traumatic event can often lead to a variety of sleep problems. When the body is overstimulated, the brain is flooded with neurochemicals that keep us awake, making it difficult to wind down at the end of the day. The neurochemicals remain present in the brain and can interrupt your normal sleep cycle resulting in among other things insomnia.
Some tips on how to get a better night’s sleep
- Try and create a regular bedtime routine. This can help you wind down and prepare for bed.Your routine depends on what works for you, but the most important thing is working out a routine and sticking to it. So try and head to bed at the same time each night and set your alarm for the same time each day.
- Try and limit your caffeine intake. Caffeine can remain in our body up to 5-7 hours after we’ve drunk it, so any consumption after midday can make it harder to fall asleep.
- Do not use electrical devices in the bedroom. Try not to look at your phone when you are in bed or watch TV in your bedroom. Both these devices emit a blue-wavelength light which, to our brains, is similar to daylight which in turn can have a negative effect on sleep and sometimes the content we watch or see on social media can make us anxious.
- Make sure you wind down before you head to bed. Perhaps have a warm bath (not hot), this will help your body reach a temperature that’s ideal for rest. Read a book or listen to the radio both of which help relax the mind by distracting it.
- Try not to eat before going to bed. It is important to ensure a gap of several hours between our last meal and bedtime, as food is a strong signal to the brain that it is time to be awake.
- Try a sleep App or relaxation CD. Some people find it really beneficial to use a sleep app or website such as Calm, Headspace, www.meditainment.com. Some of these are paid for but some are free, find out one that suits you best.
- Adjusting your bedroom. Your bedroom ideally needs to be dark, quiet, tidy and be kept at a temperature of between 18C and 24C.
- Block out light and noise in your bedroom. Fit some thick curtains if you do not have any. If you're disturbed by noise, consider investing in double glazing or, for a cheaper option, use earplugs.
- Lower your alcohol intake. Although some people are adamant that alcohol helps them to relax and get off to sleep, it actually reduces the amount and quality of REM sleep which is so crucial for emotional processing.
- Avoid watching scary films, crime dramas or even the news near to bedtime which, although entertaining, may leave you feeling unsettled.
And Lastly…
- Try and keep a sleep diary. It can be a good idea to keep a sleep diary. It may uncover lifestyle habits or daily activities that contribute to your sleeplessness and reasons why you’re unable to get to sleep.
Have a read of one of our blogs written by Dr Sarah Hattam “Sleep and Emotional First Aid” who also has some great tips on how to get a good night’s slep. https://www.starsdorset.org/blog/sleep-and-emotional-first-aid
What are Nightmares?
Nightmares are vividly realistic, disturbing dreams that wake you from a deep sleep. They often set your heart pounding from fear. Nightmares tend to occur most often during Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep when most dreaming takes place. Because periods of REM sleep become progressively longer as the night progresses, you may find you experience nightmares most often in the early morning hours.
Nightmares are quite common among people who have experienced a traumatic event. The aftereffects of a nightmare can often follow you into the next day, which can affect your emotional well-being and ability to function. Nightmares can be quite scary and negatively impact the amount of restful sleep you are getting. They can feel as if you are re-experiencing the traumatic event, and the thought of going to sleep can make you anxious. The less sleep a person gets, the more difficult it is for the brain to process a traumatic event and file it away. Sometimes the symptoms that are present due to trauma are the very barriers that get in the way your ability to heal.
What helps after a nightmare?
- Get out of bed. Try and get yourself in the here and now, turn the light on and look at your surroundings.
- Remind yourself that was a nightmare. Try and self-soothe, tell yourself that was not real, I’m here, I’m safe, that was my brain trying to process my trauma. I’m ok.
- Take slow, deep breaths, four counts in and six counts out. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, try and make your exhale longer than your inhale. Deep breathing is important because it increases the oxygen in your system and helps you move out of your anxious state faster.
- Return to the present by using your five senses, we call this technique a ‘grounding’ technique and this one specifically 5,4,3,2,1 grounding.
- 1. Say out loud 5 things you can see around you.
- 2. Say out loud 4 things you can feel.
- 3. Say out loud 3 things you can hear.
- 4. Say out loud 2 things you can smell.
- 5. Say out loud 1 thing you can taste.
- Remind yourself again that was a nightmare. Tell yourself ‘I’m ok” that was not real, I’m here, I’m safe, that was my brain trying to process my trauma. I’m ok.
- If you sleep with a partner or have others in your house that you trust and feel comfortable doing wake them up, let them know, because the other person hasn’t been in the dream, hey’er going to be able to help connect you with what’s real.
- The next day record the contents of your nightmares in a dream journal, once you’re awake this is a great first step in managing them but only do if you feel you can.
Have a watch of the following, the Dream Completion Technique by Justin Havens to overcome nightmares. This technique has been used with many survivors of PTSD and has proved a successful way of overcoming nightmares. If it doesn’t work first time, keep trying, sleep is vital for our wellbeing and hopefully this technique will help reduce your nightmares in the future.
Dream Completion Technique
If you’d like to talk to someone about your nightmares or anything else you’re struggling with please call our confidential support line.
Grounding Techniques
“Grounding” is a technique that you can use to help you feel calmer and more in control.
When we have experienced trauma, we can, at times, feel overwhelmed by memories, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we feel ‘triggered’ and experience very strong symptoms of trauma such as flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks and dissociation. Sometimes for no apparent reason we can start to feel really emotional, perhaps we feel scared or perhaps we get really sad and tears start welling up and we’re not sure why, this can be when our body remembers something, is triggered into an old memory, but perhaps our brain consciously doesn’t so we feel disconnected and unsure of what is going on.
Grounding techniques are designed to help you be ‘grounded’ in the here and now – not thinking about the past or being overwhelmed by your thoughts or feelings.
They include ways that can help you feel more connected with your body and your surroundings. They also include techniques that refocus your attention away from unwanted memories, distressing thoughts or overwhelming feelings.
Grounding techniques can help you when you:
- Feel overwhelmed
- Experience a trigger
- Feel panic or anxiety
- Have distressing emotions
- Have flashbacks or intrusive memories
- Feel dissociated
- Have the urge to self-harm
Grounding can be done anywhere, any place or any time and no one needs to know you are doing it. You can use grounding techniques when you are experiencing a trigger, when you feel a strong emotion, when you feel like using substances, are having a panic attack, or when you feel yourself dissociating. When this happens try and keep your eyes open to stay in touch with the present, try and focus on the here and now, not the past or future.
Here are several different grounding techniques, we have categorised them into three types: Mental Grounding, Physical Grounding and Soothing Grounding. Just remember some of these techniques might work for you but some might not, but if you can keep trying to find the ones that help you most.
Mental Grounding
- 1. Have a good look around and describe what you can see in detail, either in your head or out loud, for example. ‘I am in the park, I can see two big trees, there is a swing, leaves on the ground…….’
- 2. Mental games, for example go through the alphabet thinking of different things such as cities, for example A is for Atlanta, B is for Barcelona, C is for Calais etc.
- 3. Describe an everyday activity in detail, such as how to make a specific recipe, do it step by step, start by getting each ingredient out of the cupboard one by one, weighing them, putting the cooker on, mixing the ingredients one by one.
- 4. Imagery, for example imagining a stop sign in your head, gliding on skates away from the pain, changing the ‘TV channel’ in your head to a better ‘show’ or imagining a wall as a buffer between you and the pain.
- 5. Safety statements, thinking ‘I am safe now, I am in the present not the past, I am in this location and the date is……
- 6. Use humour, think of something funny.
- 7. Use concentration, say the alphabet backwards or count backwards from 100 in 7s.
Physical Grounding
- 1. Run warm or cool water over your hands.
- 2. Focus on your breathing, notice each breath in and each breath out, slow it down.
- 3. Grab tightly onto your chair as hard as you can.
- 4. Touch different objects, your pen, your keys etc.
- 5. Dig your heels into the floor or stamp your feet; remind yourself that you are connected to the ground.
- 6. Carry a grounding object in your pocket, a small pebble, a shell etc. in your pocket that you can touch whenever you feel triggered.
- 7. Stretching, extend your arms fingers or legs as far as you can.
- 8. Clench and release your fists.
Soothing Grounding
- 1. Think of a safe place, it could be real or imagined, for example the beach, mountains etc.
- 2. Say coping statements such as I can handle this, I have done it before, I'm safe now etc.
- 3. Plan a safe treat such as a nice dinner, a nice long bath etc.
- 4. Think of things you are looking forward to, like seeing a close friend.
What if grounding doesn’t work?
People who have used grounding say it does work but requires practise to make is as effective as possible. The more you practise it the better it will work, so try to do some every day, it will become automatic after a while. You don’t have to use the methods listed above, you can think up your own, you may find that it works far better for you. Try to start grounding as early as possible in a negative mood cycle, for example when you start to feel a little anxious, perhaps your hands start to feel a bit clammy, your heart starts to beat a little faster, your chest feels a little tight, or just after a flash back, try not to leave it until later. You can also teach family and friends about grounding so they can help if you become overwhelmed. Notice which method works best for you and lastly, don’t give up!
